Hello boys and girls. I finally return after my long hiatus of studying, writing exams and ultimately trying to make something of my life. I suggest that all my doubters spend less time thinking about why I am not doing something and more time trying not to be a hoax. To all those concerned, this article was finished a week ago, just so you know. Here is a snippet from possibly the smartest man in human history to show how i really feel: When my time on earth is gone, and all my activities here are passed. I want they bury me upside down, so my critics can kiss my ass. That’s my shout out for the week…Bobby Knight. He inspired me to go where no one else would dare, which was fueled by an irritation of lesser humans in this fantastic city of mine and the inexplicable need to laugh in the face and behind the back of those people.
2010 Men’s Olympic Hockey Team. I think we should all consider ourselves lucky to witness undoubtably the greatest, yet highly overrated mystery in Canadian history. Who are the 23 men who will take to the ice in Vancouver and try to amend for the utter shameful disaster that was Torino in 2006? For months now experts, analysts and fans alike have debated over this issue, made personalized rosters, and even went as far as to joining a hockey pool based on picking the team. Are you f#$*ing kidding me! We have the best advisory committee in the world choosing the men who will lead us to gold, so do you think I give a flying f%@! what a three dollar crack head thinks who believes TUUK is his shirt residing within his jeans? I’ll let you figure that one out. It is time we leave Stevie Y to do what he does best…win. Thats it. Just shut the f*@! up.
Speaking of crack heads, I’m god damn sick and tired of that pear shaped Harry Potter motherf%$#er on TSN being alive, let alone voicing opinion on our Olympic team. For those who do not know, his picks for team Canada are as follows: Brodeur-Luongo-Price-Bouwmeester-Niedermayer-Phaneuf-Weber-Burns-Green-Boyle-Crosby-Iginla-Lecavalier-Heatley-Getzlaf-Nash-Carter-Thorton-Gagne-Morrow-Richards-Doan-Savard.
I’ll leave you a minute to digest that, think who you would leave on, take off…or insert a large knife directly into your face like I did. I will make one thing quite clear, if this in anyway resembles the team I have to cheer for in Vancouver, I will become an American citizen and tattoo Herb Brooks’ miracle on ice speech in the space between my foreskin and the head of my cock. Have we as a nation completely forgot who we are? It would explain the parody of hockey we displayed in ’06 thats for damn sure. Mide as well skip the pleasantries and go directly to painting us red, slapping a yellow star, hammer and sickle on our testicles and let us call Ovechkin our daddy.
Does anyone remember 2002? Ok, how about Salt Lake? You know, that minor detail that was arguably the biggest moment in Canadian hockey history? Ahhh, there ya go! Think of that roster. That gold medal was won on the shoulders of a man with one leg…the elbows of a son-of-a-bitch from Dryden Ontario…the blood of Burnaby Joe…the tears of The Great One. Not on the nose of a highlight reel hoax in Calgary or the band-aid on the only frenchman in Philly. Jesus Christ. This is who we are people. Canadians. We win by passion. We win by heart. We win not because we should, but because we want it more than anyone ever will. So each and every one of you get off the bandwagon great starts by a bunch of 20 year olds in the regular season will win this thing. F#@! Winning is a learned trait not inherited one. Ask Sid.
I hear Green over Pronger, Stamkos over Marleau, Price over Fluery…the list goes on and on. Why not send the circus? If we’re not going to send our best…f#$@ send the Hythe Mustangs. In case you haven’t noticed, 1st is the only option. Contrary to popular belief, these young players will fold like a cheap tent and we will lose. Don’t believe me? Check out some stats in the playoffs for half these guys then come bitch at me like you know what you’re talking abut. Hell, if it were up to me I would put Emery and Avery on that team before half the jokes people have been saying. At least we know these two would do whatever it takes to win. Avery would allow us to charge the Russians with murder, and Emery would K.O. anyone who threw rubber his way. They would shut up and know their role. Even though these two may not be the most honorable or popular players, they are closer to the identity of Canadian team than visor wearing fairies who throw up points in the show but have no clue what it takes to win.
Development for the future you say? There will be no future if we do not put forth an ass kicking, face pounding, team of 23 Jarome Iginlas screaming f!*$ the world. Because in case you have forgot, “I know the whole world wants us to lose except Canada and Canadian fans. We respect every team we play. We don’t dislike them. Maybe when we start to dislike them, we play better. I don’t think we dislike these countries as much as they hate us, and that’s a fact. They don’t like us. They want to see us fail. They love beating us. And we’ve got to get the same feeling toward them. It almost sickens my stomach to turn the TV on because I’m such a proud Canadian and such a fan of our game and proud of all the players in our locker room. It makes me ill, some of the things that are said about us.”
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